4 posts tagged “hysterectomy”

i've never been very girly.  case in point: i didn't shave for about 10 years because i felt it was important to reject the corporate america /pedophiliac version of "womanly" which requires women to be hairless.  and poreless.  (i got over this rebellious streak, or perhaps gave up, and started shaving my legs and pits again after i got married.  i should note that this was not to please my husband, but rather to avoid stares and because i was tired of resisting and basically surrendered.)

i've done the makeup, pantyhose, heels shit for work.  but i always thought of it as more of a costume.  not really me.  what defines a woman?   "fuck your corporate beauty standards."

now that cancer has left me with nothing corporally feminine except one very tiny dried up vagina, i am kind of bewildered as to the sorrow i feel.  who cares if i have boobs?  or estrogen?

well, as it turns out, i do.

this post is starting to turn into a premise for a very bad oprah episode, so i shall stop now. 

i am home from the hospital, minus one uterus, one cervix, two ovaries and two fallopian tubes. 

and minus one appendix!  the surgeon thought it looked strange, hard, and rigid.  so she yanked that too.

i'm not in nearly as much pain as i thought i would be...  it was a "vaginal" procedure so they didn't have to make an incision into my abdomen.

i am kinda weirded out about my appendix.  'course i surfed and discovered that it IS possible to have cancer of the appendix. :)   so i'll just wait for pathology.  the surgeon said she also suspected that it could be some endometriosis growing on my appendix.  whatever - it's over now.

but it is kind of a relief to have this over and done with. 

my parents were here to help out with the surgery.  having not told them that my husband had a vasectomy several years ago, i guess this is the time they have finally realized "no grandchildren." sorry mom and pops.

technically, i have been castrated.  isn't that weird?

there's really nothing that warms my heart more than medical incompetence.

on friday, i spoke to a nurse at the hospital where i will have all my girly parts snipped out on tuesday.  she wanted to go over some last minute instructions.

and she wanted to go over my medical history.  this kind of annoys me, because i know they have my charts. but what are you gonna do?

she asked all kinds of questions - like -

"are you diabetic?"

"uh, no."  (i would have mentioned something like that by now).

"do you have a history of heart problems?"

"uh, no."  (again, with 8 months of medical records i would think this would have come up by now.)

so, i answered these questions, no, no, no.  how boring

and then she said

"i see here where you had a kidney removed.  can you tell me why that was?"

holy shit.  i have never had kidney surgery - much less had one removed!   i thought maybe someone was playing a joke on me.

"i have no idea what you're talking about.  i have never had a kidney removed."

"really?"

"yes, really.  i have never had kidney surgery."  (i felt it was important to be clear, here.)

"huh. it says here "nephrectomy"

"well, that is WRONG."

"well, i guess that's why we do these calls!"

i hope they remove the correct organs on tuesday.

there are so many exciting and cheerful things to say about my upcoming hysterectomy, i'm not sure where to begin.

i think the most delightful part is the day-before "bowel cleansing" procedure, in which i have been instructed to swallow some kind of solution until i literally shit water.

on another note, can i just say that jordin sparks is a right-wing pro-life loser?