11 posts tagged “hair”

i'm really tired of it, okay?  i don't want to hear your opinions.  i'm glad you think it looks

cute

sassy

lesbian-chic

better than long hair

fun

hot

what have you

i'm just not happy talking about my hair.  it is better than being bald, but i hate that i have to think about it.  i hate that i have to talk about it.  i hate that i have to mat it down with gel before appearing in public.  i hate that i am back to hats.  i hate that you want to talk about it.  please shut up.  i am growing it out whether you like it or not.  seriously.  don't try to talk me out of it.  really.  really.  shut. up.

my 35th birthday is coming up, and while there are significant reasons to celebrate (including that i am not in a coffin) -- this mini milestone combined with my estrogen-deprived 60-ish body has the potential to send me emotionally into a downward spiral.

so, i thought i would try another hair stylist to see if something can be done to boost my confidence with my super short hair.  everybody is nice and says it is cute and sassy, which could be true, but i just don't feel confident with super short hair right now.  besides, is anyone really going to come up to me and say - "hey!  you recently finished cancer treatement and your hair looks like SHIT!"  of course i look "cute" compared to being bald.

anyway, back to the hair stylist.  i was thinking something pixie, shaped, and perhaps slightly wispy.  like when winona ryder had short hair.

she insisted on spiking it. 

i said no, i can't pull that off.

she said oh - sure you can.  let me show you.

she proceeded to ply my inch-long hair with mousse, gel, and hairspray.  (is this the 80s? i didn't even know mousse still existed.)

note that i also have the eyesight of a senior citizen, and i wear glasses, so i could not see what the hell she was doing because my glasses were in my lap.

she explains that i should work the product through, and twist with the gel to create volume.

um sure.

she was out of control with her products and blowdryer and shit, and i was feeling very frumpy and stupid in a high-end salon, so i just kept quiet.

there! she announced. and handed me a mirror.

i put on my glasses.

um, no.  i tried to tell her that this "look" really isn't me. 

her response:

"NO, you look like one of those really cool, hip moms!"

ouch.

i'm wearing hats for awhile.

i threw my rats-nest piece-o-shit wig into the garbage.

wasteful?  yes

satisfactory? indeed

how does this hair-growing-back thing work, exactly?  when do i get it cut?  what are my options?  should i try to spike it with gel?  if i want to grow it out long again, what do i do in the meantime?  and why don't any of the chemo websites cover this shit?

also, the new pubes seem to be somewhat confused.  yes, they are supposed to be curly -- kinky, even.  but no.   My pubes are straight straight straight.  the little hairs poke themselves out the front of my panties.  very very sexy. 

i was reminded of maggie estep (whom i haven't thought about in years) and her line:

"my pubic mound ... has now formed into one vicious spike so it looks like I've got a unicorn in my crotch"

i thought crazysexycancer was bullshit.  it seems to be required viewing for hip, young fresh cancer patients who don't want to take any shit.  i'm down with that.  but once she started "juicing" with some quacks who told her if she gave herself wheatgrass enemas then her cancer would go away....yeah, not so much.

also, my thought is that if you're going to discuss enemas in your documentary, consider removing the word "sexy" from the title.  it's tacky.

i've been going publically hatless for about 10 days now.  it feels pretty good, and not just because it is 101 degrees outside.  i'm not crazy about the way i look, but i used to wear my hair really really short until my mid-20s so i'm dealing.

i actually got the courage to remove my headcoverings during my friend's mastectomy.  her 88-year-old kick-ass totally independent and wicked-cool mother took a look at me in the surgery waiting room and said "TAKE OFF THAT SCARF.  YOU HAVE HAIR!"

i've somehow moved beyond the whole "touch my super soft hair" phase and now i would rather just not talk about it.

i'm not sure what the fascination is regarding the whole "my aunt's best friend's sister's hair came back curly after chemo" thing, but i guess that is what people want to talk about.

so, to set the record straight:

• yes, my hair is growing back.
• it appears to be the same color as it was before -- dark brown.  it does appear to have some gray.
• i'm pretty sure it is growing back straight, although it is really too short to tell.

can we talk about something else now?

i mean, really -- WHY am i doing that?

cause, really, it looked stoopid

11 days since my final infusion of taxol and the hair on my face continues to fall out.  my eyelashes are literally gone now (they had been thinned to the point of nothingness but now there are literally no hairs on my upper or lower eyelids...)

my right eyebrow is completely gone.  no hairs at all.   my left eyebrow, however, is hanging in there with 12-15 hairs left.  that looks rather silly.  think i should shave the remaining eyebrow?

the rash appears to have been nothing but i would really appreciate it, please, if my body would just chill out and stop doing weird things.

last night when i was getting ready for my post-chemo margarita party i noticed that i have little white (WHITE) hairs in random spots all over my head.  these hairs have been there for awhile because they are all about 1/2 inch long.  there aren't that many -- maybe a couple of dozen -- but they look wispy and are pure white.  i simply hadn't noticed them before -- but my hair hasn't started growing back otherwise.

did i mention that the hairs are white?

so i'm wondering if this is foreshadowing for my new hair.  everyone and their dog has a story about their "aunt whose hair came back CURLY!"  (uh, great.  that's really groovy.)

just what i need to help me feel youthful and fresh again -- a headful of white hair.

for some unknown reason, it just tonight hit me that it will take a looooong time for my hair to grow back.  duh.

about 3 weeks after my mastectomy i had nearly 2 feet of hair cut off. 

i donated the hair to "locks of love"  (yes, okay, i did.  i'm very bitter and stuff but please, i'm not that bitchy.  i wasn't going to throw the hair in the trash!)

i hadn't yet started chemo yet, but i knew it was coming.  i got an edgy little chin-length bob and then promptly bought some hot pink highlighting kit.  aren't i so rad?

my hair started coming out FAST in mid-december.  like, i would touch it and big clumps would fall out. 

time to shave it.

fantastic sam's -- where a good time stops with a great --- hair cut!  and where the woman working behind the counter was not familiar with the the word "chemotherapy."

"i need my head shaved."

"WHY?  it is winter!"

"i'm a chemotherapy patient."

"what?"

"i'm a chemotherapy patient. i need my head shaved."

"what?"

"my hair is falling out.  i need my head shaved.  i'm a chemotherapy patient."

"what?"

"I HAVE CANCER!"

jeeeeeez!

(chemotherapy tip #1111:  shave it BALD. like a baby's butt.  leaving a little "buzz" lesbian alternative butch haircut will cause massive problems. namely, that if you wear a scarf, the little hairs will fall out and STAB you in the scalp.")