omg this sucks so fucking bad

i'm moving along in life, only every single time i have any hint of pain anywhere, i decide i'm dying.  last week i had heartburn.  clearly heartburn.  but for most of the day, i had to talk myself out of believing that my lungs are filling with tumors and i have less than a year to live.  today i had a chest xray (normal schedule), and i have a little pain in my left flank -- probably because i'm out of shape and sore.  but now i find myself staring at the cell phone, waiting for the oncologist to call me and tell me i need another set of xrays.  i am googling "pleural effusion" all over the place.  what are the symptoms?  sometimes nothing.  sometimes a dull pain.  sometimes a sharp pain.  sometimes shortness of breath.  doesn't really matter -- until i hear that i'm clear, i'm going to be convinced that i am dying.  my shrink likes to point out that we are all dying, in a technical sense.  which is true.  but dying of cancer is painful and ugly, and i don't want to go that way.